


Once the damn burst

by Jadegirly2k



Category: Station19 - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Grief, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:08:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27928036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadegirly2k/pseuds/Jadegirly2k
Summary: Travis notices Vics weird behaviour now they are living together
Relationships: Victoria Hughes/Lucas Ripley, Victoria Hughes/Travis Montgomery
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Once the damn burst

**Author's Note:**

> Just a one shot that Takes place in the current season

Travis watched Vic as she poured herself some coffee and idly chewed on a piece of toast near the kitchen counter.

  
He’d been sitting there for the last thirty minutes wondering how he should bring up the subject he needed to talk to her about. He was sure she would deny it, especially as not one day had gone by since she’d moved in three weeks ago, where she hadn’t been her bright and bubbly self.

Seeing her every day he wouldn’t have noticed anything was wrong. In fact, he hadn’t noticed anything was wrong over the last year, apart from her rushing into a relationship so soon after……

“Vic?”

She turned to look at him with a beaming bright smile that could light up any room “trav?”

He took a sip of his coffee wishing it was something stronger. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Her smile faltered “you’re not kicking me out are you?” She frowned.

“No no no. Not at all.” He stood up and walked over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “I love living with you it’s been great. Fantastic even.” She beamed up at him again and he smiled back. It was infectious being around her. How had he not noticed or rather how had she hid it so well?

“Vic, I know about the nightmares.”

Her smile didn’t falter and remained in place this time.”what nightmares? Who’s?” She questioned. She was good at this act, he realised.

“Yours Vic.” She was looking confused. “I went to the bathroom in the middle of night one day and could hear you crying. I knocked but you didn’t answer. I heard you again a few nights after that and then again after that so I came in to check on you and saw you curled up in the floor, shivering and crying. I was going to wake you and then I heard you say his name.”

He hadn’t broke eye contact but neither had she. He saw a brief flicker of something as he finished his sentence and then she blinked and turned away.

He sighed “Talk to me vic. I know it’s a regular thing. Tell me what’s going on?” He waited for her to speak but she didn’t. She stood there with her back to him. He was just about to say something when she spoke.

“I-I can’t.” Her voice was quiet but he heard a very distinctive shake in it.

He moved closer and put his arms around her resting his chin on her shoulder. “Vic, you were there for me after Michael died. I wouldn’t have got through it if it wasn’t for you. Let me help you, please.”

She placed her arms over his returning his hug and whispered.” I can’t. If I start, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”

“Then don’t stop,vic. I’m here for you, always. You won’t ever have to stop with me.”

If he had to describe what happened next, he would say it was like an earthquake or a volcano erupting. Maybe all vic needed was for someone to ask her how she was doing, to show some interest in her rather then leaving her to be tough but here and now with his arms wrapped around her he felt her body let out a shuddery breath and then she completely broke down and started crying and screaming. 

For a moment Travis was stunned by the eruption and then he tightened his arms around her holding onto her for dear life as tightly as he could as she wailed and wailed. He couldn’t believe this was the same happy go lucky, often funny Vic. This woman he was holding so tightly was broken and frail and barely holding it together! 

Why had none of them checked on her properly. She had lived with Dean and Jack for months. Why hadn’t they noticed the nightmares! He found his emotions switching from concern to anger and back to concern as they both sank to the floor, her rocking back and forth as she continued to sob. Travis felt his eyes welling up too, feeling his friends heartbreak all over again.

He’d held her for a couple of hours before she’d finally dozed off lying in his arms and then he’d carried her to the sofa and sat next to her. He still needed her to talk about it and hoped she wouldn’t shut down again when she woke up. 

Like an earthquake, he expected a lot of aftershocks after the initial quake.

She slept for an hour and when she woke up he was sitting there with a cup of tea. She smiled weakly at him. He eyes were red, puffy and bloodshot.

“I wanted to be okay.” She started after taking a sip of the hot sweet tea. “I didn’t want to feel the pain, I didn’t want to remember him because I didn’t want to feel the pain of losing him so I shut it away. If he didn’t exist then he couldn’t die and I wouldn’t feel pain and I wouldn’t have….” Her voice trailed off. Travis looked at her and took her empty hand holding it firmly.

“You can talk to me vic.”

“I can’t sleep in a bed anymore. I think of him next to me so I sleep on the floor but then I feel alone and cold and that’s when the nightmares start.”

“How long?”

“Since he died. I couldn’t stay at my apartment after cause of the memories and that’s why I got evicted. I stayed at the motel down on Park street so couldn’t afford there and my rent.”

“God Vic, why didn’t you say something. I’m so sorry.” She tried to smile but the corners of her mouth quivered and he could tell she was fighting tears again.

“I was going to move back too. When I ….” She trailed off again and Travis looked at her expectantly.

“When I found out I was pregnant.”

Travis knew his eyebrows had shot up into his hairline as his eyes widened in shock and his mouth dropped open. She nodded and patted his hand. “I miscarried a few weeks after the funeral. I thought it was the grief making me nauseous and then I found out I was pregnant. I was about 9 weeks. So I lost my fiancé and my child.” A single tear fell from her eye and slid down her cheek. “When Lucas died, I thought at least I’d have our baby and I thought I had to be strong for our son or daughter but that wasn’t meant to be either and then the pain doubled. I couldn’t cope with so much pain Trav. So I shut it down. All of it. I could cope with bad dreams if the day was as normal as normal could be with a shattered heart.”

“My god Vic.” He didn’t know what to say. He’d just assumed she’d gotten over Ripley, that she wanted to live life to the fullest. After all, grief affects people in different ways. “I had no idea Vic. I’m so sorry. Sorry you lost Ripley, sorry you lost your precious little beautiful baby and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. That you went through it all alone. God I wish I could make that part up to you. You’ve been holding in all that pain and I should have known.” His eyes filled with tears, angry, sad tears.

She smiled softly at him and wiped a tear away that had broken loose. “You’re here now. I’ve held it in long enough and if you can handle itI think there’s a lot more I need to let out.”

He wrapped his arms around her pulling her into a tight hug.

“I’ve got you! I’ve got you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I’ve written with Ripley gone 😢


End file.
